When Not To Help

We’ve all been there. A family member needs help and we really don’t have the means to help. Nonetheless, we sacrifice in an effort to alleviate their pain. Why? What would possess us to bring their suffering upon ourselves? There is one simple reason; love. Love, in that manner, will convince us that they are worth suffering for. Not everyone will understand this type of love, and there is nothing wrong with not understanding, But for those that do, it can be a blessing or is can be a curse. How so you asked? The blessing comes in the form a gratitude. We are grateful that we were able to help. The curse comes when that member realizes that we will help them whenever they need it and begins to take advantage of our love.

Somewhere out there I can hear someone stating perhaps we shouldn’t love as much. After all, it’s our love that enabled them to take advantage of us, right? No. A wrong doing on their part does not constitute a wrong doing on ours. One should never feel guilty for wanting to help. The sad truth is, there are people out there looking for those willing to help for free. They prey on the kindness of others. These are the people who have lost their humanity. For taking advantage of someone willing to help is not humane. Never capitalize on the kindness of others. It’s alright to refuse help that we do not need. Refusing help when we need it is a different story for a different blog.

There a people who make millions off of the donations of others. People are just willing to give stuff away, and I’m just here trying to make a buck. This type of thinking is wrong. As stated before, it is wrong to capitalize on the kindness of others. A good example is Mark Curran. He is the CEO and owner of Goodwill. Now, I now Goodwill had helped a lot of people. However, when a person makes $2.3 million a year I begin to question how nonprofit is their business. I’m sure his team of lawyers could explain it to me. But, the root subject here is one person makes millions off of the charity of others. If people are willing to do that, is there any doubt that family and friends will take advantage of us? Sad truth is, it happens every day.

How many times can we kick a dog before it no longer returns. The answer is once too many times. We are no different. Once we realize that a person is using us, we have a choice; stop or continue to help. We tell ourselves that they’ll change. This time will be different. They learnt their lesson last time. With blinders on we ignore logic and follow our heart. After all, we are good people and we just want to help.

We naturally want to help. Have you ever watched children help each other. They pat each other on their backs and say everything is going to be alright. But, from our childhood to adulthood, something changed. People changed. We changed. All of a sudden things aren’t as simple as they use to be. It hurts when others begin to take our love for granted. …When they show no value in our love for them… How many times have we taken someone for granted?

Family is the biggest culprit for this. Why? In a simple answer, family knows that we will always be around. We aren’t going anywhere, we’re family after all, and family sticks together. Right? Stop being so sensitive. Buck up. Life is hard and we all need to stick together. Family takes care of family. But who takes care of us? Who is there when we need help? Seems family is strapped for cash too, and they don’t have the time to help. But good luck and they’re praying for us. Now, I know I’m hitting the family side hard on this subject. But, it needs to be said. No longer should we tip toe around the fact that it’s easier for us to go to our mom, dad, brother, or sister. We know them. They know us. Friends don’t know us like that. Friends know friendships can end. They don’t have the luxury of being family. Family will always be family. … They have nothing to lose. Win the lottery and we’ll see cousins, nieces and nephews that we never knew we had. With family comes entitlement. We owe them. After all, family takes care of family

What do we do when we see someone is taking advantage of us? Stop. Stop giving them time, Stop hoping for change, Stop giving them a reason. It’s hard. And yes it will hurt. Stop accepting the pain. It’s easier for us to accept the pain rather than watch others suffer. If we are suffering then we are in control of that pain. If others hurt and we cannot or do not help, we feel less in control. We do not need to control everything around us. Everything is not our responsibility. This is why we need to stop. Yes, they will fall, cry, beg, and say they hate us. But that’s a part of growing up. Sometimes we need to stop holding their hands. Once they are done sulking, they will stand up and do just fine. We owe it to ourselves to stop helping those that take advantage of us. Its not fair to us. We deserve happiness too. We deserve to have quality people in our lives. Quality people are worth helping. They don’t take advantage of us, and they make us feel appreciated. Wholesome people have a way of warming the heart and make us feel valued.Never settle for less. This is one way we can find life’s happiness. Filtering the people we deal with will help us decide who is worth our time. Time with you is precious. Your time has value. Never settle for less.

Until next blog, live life and be happy.


Steven Curtis

4 thoughts on “When Not To Help

  1. Nicely put. I can tell you that when my husband’s family created Goodwill, it actually was nonprofit.

    Another downside of helping is that, all too often, the recipient is resentful, not grateful. Why? Because it puts a spotlight on their situation vs. yours which is seen as “better”, more fortunate, and no one enjoys being reminded of their “weakness”, “shortcoming” etc.


  2. Yes.Sometimes it is time for “tough love” which, to me, means NOT helping. Sometimes helping is enabling and not helping at all. But if it is a family member it can be hard to let them go and let them fail even though that is what is needed.

    Liked by 2 people

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