Last week we covered the competitive relationship. We often see this type of unity in new relationships. And rightfully so. We all have a need for self preservation. But in order for a relationship to mature, someone has to give. That brings us to today’s blog.
There are three types of “give-take” relationships (+/-) or if one prefers (-/+). They are predation, parasitism, and herbivory relationship. Who knew “give-take” could be so complicated?
First up is the predation relationship. This destructive bond leaves one side depleted while the other reaps full benefits. Like a wolf to a deer, one is consumed while the other gains nourishment. Just so we’re clear, I’m not talking about actual cannibalism. Rather, a relationship where a person stalks then latches on and depletes a victim. Ever heard of a person marrying for money. Then they divorce when the bank dries up only to move on to their next victims.
Second is the parasitism relationship. Like the predation relationship this one has a member that latches on. However, it doesn’t devour then move on. No, this parasite is in for the long haul. The negative aspect comes from the verbal and physical abuse. In biology parasites don’t just feed from their host. They spread diseases. The disease keeps the host in a weaken state and the parasite has the upper hand without killing the host. This is prevalent when mental and/or physical attacks exist until the victim submit. Surprisingly, in this relationship the victim feels weak and dependent on the aggressor. Truth is, the host is stronger and has more ability to become independent. However, words and actions can be the worse blinders.
And last we have the herbivory relationship. As in the previous two relationship, one person is dependant and the other is 100% supportive. Think of it as grazers. In keeping this analogy simple, we have an animal eating grass. That’s it. Please don’t nuke this and bring up that manure from the animal nourishes the plants. Instead, stay focused on the plant and the animal eating; that’s the complete picture. (can you tell I’ve had this discussion before. 🙂 )The herbivor doesn’t kill the grass. They only take what they need. The grass gets its nutrients from the ground. We see this alot when a person is unable to care for themselves and someone else needs to assist. Some may think of raising children as a herbivory relationship. But I believe what comes from raising children far outweighs what goes into children. (Note: I do not have children nor plan to raise children. This is an observational statement.)
As one can see, a “give-take” relationship can be detrimental or it can be beneficial. The difference is whether either side suffers. Negativity will not breed positivity. Often this is the second stage of a marriage. As a couple begins to settle in both parties may not be eager to give. Or as we have seen earlier, they may not be able to give. Such is our journey in life. Important thing to remember is to abstain from negativity. Identify if anyone is being a parasite or predator to us. If someone brings negativity into a relationship, they are not promoting growth. It’s just that simple.
Until the next blog, live life, be happy, and find life’s happiness.
Steve Curtis
at1_retired@yahoo.com
Live Life, Be Happy 
I was thinking too that each person needs to have some goals and dreams to accomplish, and it is good when each person appreciates and supports the goals and dreams of the other person and they also have some shared goals such as perhaps getting a property that suits them both or getting a car, etc.
I think too that our relationship abilities or lacks thereof are formed by the way we grow up in our families. If a child is loved and experiences love and support in his/her family, that person will exhibit those qualities generally in a relationship.
I remember in the 70’s, my younger brother coming home from Vietnam 100% disabled. It gave me the heart to always work with people with special needs – physical, developmental and emotional. I have had a small nonprofit to help physically challenged artists to get exposure for their work, and I have worked in the school districts as a substitute paraeducator, aide, and teacher for more than 15 years, have tutored those folks and have taught illiterate adults reading. I loved it all and I am glad I was able to give to others, and to an extent, I give to my own significant other as well, but he is the same way, and somehow it always balances out well. I feel good about my own self because my man supports and encourages my creativity, my desire to do volunteer work, and he likewise feels good about his own self because I support and encourage him to follow things he enjoys in this life. They don’t have to be the same level or types of things. We both just need to have the freedom to be who we are in this life.
I lived alone a good many years before I met him, and he also lived alone before me, though we have both had past relationships, some very long-term. So it is not about being uncomfortable being alone. We each do spend some time on our own and we are comfortable with that, as we are spending our time together quietly and yet working on our own interests. I love to study new subjects all the time and am constantly learning about something different. He loves to watch his wrestling, or to play computer games, or look around on Facebook, and I enjoy watching wrestling with him at times, and other times I will be doing something else. He likes to go fishing and camping and I do too, though we have not gotten to go camping yet. We did go fishing, and I found that to be totally enjoyable. Maybe it is that we are free to be who we are as I noted, and each of us appreciates that in the other. Maturity helps a lot for sure. Thank you again for a good series. You seem to have good knowledge and good experience and your writing is very down-to-earth and genuine, so appreciated.
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Thanks for the kind words and sharing your thoughts. Enjoyed reading 🙂
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