Imagine a relationship where both members gain from each other. One may call it a win-win bipartisan. Think of it like a bee to a flower. The bee collects nectar, and in doing so, spreads pollen to other flowers. This relationship is known as mutualism (+/+).

Mutualistic bipartisan benefits both parties. This is what a perfect marriage looks like. Or, an ideal job/career. So how do we get to this type of relationship? Glad you asked.

We’ve all read books on “How to have a perfect marriage”; right? Boring, opinionated, page after page telling us what we are doing wrong. We are organic. Our marriages and relationships with others are organic. One size does not fit all; despite what my “who farted” hat says.
With that being said, I want to focus on the time we spent with others. There needs to be a mutual understanding of when to be active and when to chill. This can be complicated when two people are out of synch. It happens, we are all human.

Imagine an orchestra. We have strings, brass, even a wood section next to the kettle drums. As we settle in for a grand performance, we notice only the kettle drums are being played. For fifteen minutes we listen to Bum-Bum Bum-Bum Bum-Bum. Despite loving the unique sound, it gets old, and soon we have no interest in watching the performance.

Relationships are the same way. We take the time to find out what others like and dislike only to ping on one like and stick with that tried and true performance till the end. Stop trying to take the easy way out. Just because someone likes compliments does not mean they want one every five seconds of every day. Come on! Spice it up! Have the cellos perform Thunderstruck. Get the clarinets in there. I want to see people swinging from the banisters. No wait that’s dangerous and not covered under our insurance. But you get the point. Find out what people like. Each “like” is an instrument waiting to be played. The more instruments, the more complex the music can be. But do not just randomly play all of the instruments at once. For the love of jellybeans, don’t do that. Randomness is not every day.

Let’s get back to the orchestra. Ever notice a calando that leads to a moment of rest. Silence eclipses the audience. It’s soothing and calms the soul. Violins gently whisper in unison as we exhale in a long gaze of admiration. Our hearts quiver with a solo violin who calls out above the rest. Alone it cries out for love. A vain effort met with a single longing note resonating into silence once more. We sit in silence. Still at peace with the performance just played.

Our relationships need silent moments. We need time apart to recharge. During this time, a non-evasive interaction is acceptable. AKA Netflix and chill. No talking during the movie, please. But this is at the discretion of the one needing the downtime. This is where things may get uneasy. One side may need to interact while the other needs silence. Welcome to adulthood and being professional with each other. If our friend or significant other needs down-time, it would be a great time to take some alone time as well. Not only will it allow us to catch up on personal items, but it will help us synchronize.

The more two people move in unison, the happier they will become. Our wants to become their wants and Visa-Versa. Like a dance in life, we learn to step together, allowing the music to move us. It’s learned. And patience is of the utmost importance. Stay flexible because we never know when others may surprise us with a new step or two. Look, listen, and feel the moment around us.

Just as those books we never read say, communication is key. We cannot always cater to others, and others cannot always cater to us. It really is an orchestrated dance. Stay synchronized, my friends.

Until the next blog, live life, be happy and find life’s happiness.

Steve Curtis

at1_retired@yahoo.com