Everyone is eager to point out my flaws.
There may come a time when it appears the world is against us. Trust me when I say it is not. But the fact that people are willing to point out our flaws to others is intriguing. So, let’s take a moment to analyze why everyone is eager to point out our flaws.
It is safe to say no one is perfect. Although this is common knowledge, we are quick to find flaws in others. It’s a social-measurement that we use to keep ourselves and others in check. We may share these flaws in a taunting manner, or hold our observation in silence. Either way, everyone is doing it.
So, if we are judging, then there must be a benchmark. Right? Two types of touchstones affect this scenario, individual-standards, and social-standards. The first is yours, or mine, and the second is ours.
What happens when we apply social-standards onto one person? Well, we create a community environment. Common mindsets exist amongst families and friends.
“This is how we do things around here.”
And when we place individual-standards onto a social group, we create a cultic setting.
“It’s my way or the highway.”
That moment when one person is in control, can consume one’s reasonable judgment. We’ve seen this in many cult leaders, churches, and mayors. Leading a group gives power, and that power can be intoxicating.
Let’s approach the question, “Why do we judge?” No one maintains a perfect benchmark. So why hold that expectation onto others?
As humans, we love order and organization. We treat, clean, and purify anything that we see dirty or unfit to use. If it can’t be fixed, we toss it. The same goes for our peers. We have a level of expectation for those we spend time around. I highly doubt we would hang around a person that refused to bathe. This person would not meet our expectations for basic hygiene. Right?
Here is where it gets tricky. Some of us would keep our comments to ourselves, while others would confront the individual. This confrontation is what divides moral and immoral. Some would approach the individual to inform them of their offensive odor, while others would seize the opportunity to ridicule and gain public favoritism. Perhaps another group would show their hatred to lower the non-bathing peer’s morale. “After all, why should they be happier than me?”
It’s easier to fix others than it is to correct ourselves. Why should we work on our happiness when we can lower others? Welcome to the fundamental of bullying. When we are sad or depressed, we correct what made us this way. Our non-bathing friend may bathe now that they understand the discomfort they present. Or perhaps we were sharp with our words, and embarrassment is the reason for bathing. Either way, the problem is fixed. Right? Sure, let’s look at our point of view. We no longer have to smell our peer.
“Hey, that’s not a bad thing. Stinky people stink. And that stench brings discomfort, and sometimes we need to show some tough love. Why should we suffer? Sure our words were uncouth. They needed to be to convey our level of dismay.” This mindset is the antithesis of professionalism
Perhaps our peer didn’t come from the Home&Garden family. Some live with undiagnosed mentally ill parents who physically and verbally abuse their children. Others come from a family of alcohol and or drug abusers. We never know what hell the person next to us has traversed. This is why it is crucial to treat everyone with dignity and professionalism.
Let’s analyze the flip-side.
If we are on the receiving end of the comments and ridicules, then perhaps we should look at why such statements are made. Maybe we are offending and don’t realize it. It happens. I’ve offended a lot of people on accident. I may end up annoying a lot more, who knows? My point here is that I cannot satisfy everyone. There are going to be people who grumble for the mere opportunity to complain. Google search how many Americans are happy, and 14% shows up as the answer. If only 14% of our peers are satisfied with life, we can expect a lot of belly-aching.
Don’t take the opinions of others personally. In the end, those comments are not facts. Allow me to say that again; opinions are not facts. I want to make it clear that the assumptions are not concrete. And there are times when we ramble to get things off our chest. We have no substance to our temper tantrum; we merely want to vent.
It’s not easy to take criticism. As I went higher in the military, I received more criticism on everything. Not because I was doing things wrong, but because I was held to a higher standard. Sometimes we are held to a higher standard than we realize. We are role models to our peers. And when role models stumble, people are quick to voice their concerns. This may come in the form of jeering. If we show offense to the statements given, we frequently receive a lot more. It’s human nature to find a button and keep pushing it. The best advice I can give is to roll with the punches.
Because most of our peers do not have malicious intent, it is safe to say most of the criticism received is not malice. Our complication comes from a lack of digesting the judgment from others.
We do not have to answer for everything. Therefore we shouldn’t always be on the defense. Relax and enjoy life. Yes, people are going to point out flaws—big whoop. Stick around, and I’m sure I’ll do something else worth critiquing. There are times people laugh with me, and there are times they are laughing at me. It bothered me when I was young. Now that I’ve been around the sun a few times. I will laugh with you at my expense.
In the end, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is finding inner-peace. Although the world may seem horrible, a calm soul helps us traverse those times.
Until the next blog, live life and be happy.