When I was a child, I was taught people only learn through pain. So, I learned not to touch fire only after getting burned, and specific actions brought on corporal punishment. If I didn’t repeat the deed, and my bottom was safe. The Department of Human Services (DHS) visited our home on occasions due to a reported bruise or two.
Since physical contact brought unwanted attention, yelling became the new form of outlet. Yelling for a minute or more can produce a fair amount of adrenaline, and coming down from a chemical high feels good. We know people can develop an addiction to adrenaline. This is how some drama llamas are created. In the aftermath of a scream-fest, a point was made, and a calm feeling soothes the soul as we collect ourselves. No bruising means no DHS representatives.
The irony of each scenario lies within the need for controlling a child while we are losing control. We do not need to hit anyone, nor do we need to assault them verbally. We are responsible for our actions. Others did not make us angry; we chose to get angry. Scenarios may upset or aggravate us. This is life. How we deal is this aggravation is up to us.
If we cannot express ourselves without yelling, then we need to excuse ourselves and calm down. I have stepped out of many conversations to collect myself. This, in turn, brought on newfound respect from my peers.
In my youth, I yelled at my junior peers to get the point across. I later learned that yelling at a group was less traumatic for individuals, but not for the ones observing the verbal onslaught via third-person. Third-person stress cannot be adequately controlled. Therefore, we must manage the stressors. As stated earlier, if we cannot talk without yelling or screaming, then we need to hold our tongues until we can. (not literally).
For those of us blessed with a quick or strong temper, it may take more discipline to achieve having an adamant conversation under eighty decibels. But, as with everything worth learning, it takes time and patience. Learn to express disapproval or aggravation without raising the volume. Everyone can hear us just fine. Breathe in slow, then breathe out slowly. We are the paragon of professionalism.
Until the next blog, live life and be happy.