As we wake up this morning, some of us are happy little sunshine rays while others personify, “Where the hey-hey is my coffee?” Thus proving everyone is unique. But we all have something in common. We all have some level of hope.

Do a quick search on Google, and we’ll find this definition for hope.

Hope: a feeling of expectation and desire for a sure thing to happen.

With that said, one can understand that a missed expectation can lead to the degradation of hope if our expectation is something we wanted. Repeat cutting this desire, and we soon lose our hope.

When we no longer feel that our dreams are attainable, we stop chasing them. This happens to over 90% of people around the world. We get on a schedule, and that is all we do.

We tell ourselves that we’ll chase our dreams after college, after the kids move out, or after that promotion or pay raise, or after retirement.

Today is the day for action because tomorrow will never come.

So, is it too late to start? Maybe. If we are 72, living on social security, and want to save a million dollars. That may be a far-reaching dream. Writing a memoir or touring a famous landmark is more achievable. The point is that our desire and expectations need to be reasonable. Frequently we set ourselves up for failure.

For example:
Let’s pretend we make over the poverty level, but we aren’t quite to the middle class yet. We have our associates and are a few classes short of a bachelor’s degree. Our bills have us stretched thin, and we do live paycheck to paycheck.

We want more money. We do not want to live from paycheck to paycheck. And last but not least we want to be seen enjoying the nice things in life. Hey, we aren’t vain. We don’t want to look poor. (I’ve heard that comment a lot from friends.)

The first thing we may want to invest in is a name brand coffee cup so we can drink our budget-friendly coffee with class. Secondly, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. We will never keep up with “The Jone’s.” We should keep up with ourselves or keep ourselves up, either way.

Secondly, lose the baggage. This includes but is not limited to judgemental friends who love to express negative opinions at the most opportune times. I’m sure they ‘mean well,” but they don’t.
Drop the extra bills too. One HD tv stream uses 5Mbps. Why do we need to pay for 2000Mbps? If we want more money in the bank, then we need to opt for a lower plan. I’m typing this on a broadband plan. We had cable internet, but it always went out, not so with broadband. I like it, and it works.

Lastly, we need to be happy with what we have. So what if the roof leaks and the pipes in the wall make funny noises when we run the hot water. I’m sure someone out there is envious of our roof and our hot water. Living out of my car when I was young and on my own taught me the value of a hot shower.

These are massive changes, but if we are to preserve our hope for a better tomorrow, we need to take the necessary steps today. No one said the change is easy. And I’m sure new problems will arise. But we must always have hope. It is what keeps us going each day. Never lose hope.

Until the next blog, live life and be happy.

While at home on vacation, I decided to work on the truck. Having a lifter (tappet) ticking, I decided to change all of them on the passenger’s side of the engine. I’ll do the driver’s side when they begin to tick. Easy-peasy right? Well, maybe. The truck is outside, so rain, leaves, and pine needles are hazardous to an exposed engine. Then there’s the fact that the cast iron manifold is heavy. And as the laws of hoses and electrical wires go, when in a compromising position, something will grab hold and thwart any progress made. Despite the complications and aggravations, I love working on older vehicles. There’s a mechanical simplicity that provides a rewarding smile when fired up. The deeper the breakdown, the greater the satisfaction.

Anyone (male or female) who has worked on vehicles will agree that no advanced project goes perfect on older automobiles. This stress can present a mental challenge. For me, it comes in the form of self-deprecation.

“Why can’t I buy more reliable vehicles? I’m in over my head. Do you know what you’re doing, or are you pretending to be some great mechanic? Dude, face it, you suck.”

We can be downright mean to ourselves. But why? Aren’t we suppose to be our biggest fan? Yes. Yes, we are. However, we have this habit of imitating those around us. Receive support, and we self-replicate that feeling. The same goes with insults and criticism. We learn this at a very young age. Infants develop tones and attitudes that later affect that child’s developmental behavior. I’m not saying that a child raised with supportive parents will grow up to be a great person. I’m stating that that child has a greater chance of succeeding in life than a child without supportive parents.

“But I was raised by wolves.”

Then you, my friend, will have some hurdles to jump. In reality, we all have obstacles. The grass is always greener on the other side. It’s easier to find fault in ourselves than to see it in others because we have more incriminating information about ourselves than others. That’s how life is supposed to be.

Face reality. Knowing that we have the potential to be over-cruel to ourselves brings to light the fact that we need to throttle back on the self-criticism. Everyone has their good and bad points, no one is perfect, and lastly, don’t put people on pedestals. No one is better than we are. (Ok one more) Don’t look down at others. We are not better than homeless drunks. We are all human.

Why can’t I buy more reliable vehicles? Because I love to restore old cars. I love the mental challenge of fixing a broken puzzle. Yes, I do get in over my head, but I always come out on top despite not knowing what I’m doing. Yes, I make mistakes and mess up. I’m human. And there are times that that simple fact is hard to face because I fail to see others’ complications. Sometimes it appears that I am the only one struggling. But, that is because I am only looking at my flaws. My focus creates my perception. Fact: No one goes through life without a struggle.

For those of us who self-deprecate, stop. We are more significant than our negativity. Don’t listen to the “Yeah, but.” rebuttals that we present to ourselves. We are better and more valuable than that. Besides, “Yeah, but” is what Fred Flintstone says before he yells, “Dabba doo.”

Take the time to bask in self-complements now and again, but don’t go overboard. 🙂

Until the next blog, live life and be happy.

Everyone is eager to point out my flaws.

There may come a time when it appears the world is against us. Trust me when I say it is not. But the fact that people are willing to point out our flaws to others is intriguing. So, let’s take a moment to analyze why everyone is eager to point out our flaws.

It is safe to say no one is perfect. Although this is common knowledge, we are quick to find flaws in others. It’s a social-measurement that we use to keep ourselves and others in check.  We may share these flaws in a taunting manner, or hold our observation in silence. Either way, everyone is doing it. 

So, if we are judging, then there must be a benchmark. Right? Two types of touchstones affect this scenario, individual-standards, and social-standards. The first is yours, or mine, and the second is ours.

 What happens when we apply social-standards onto one person? Well, we create a community environment. Common mindsets exist amongst families and friends. 

“This is how we do things around here.” 

And when we place individual-standards onto a social group, we create a cultic setting. 

 “It’s my way or the highway.” 

That moment when one person is in control, can consume one’s reasonable judgment. We’ve seen this in many cult leaders, churches, and mayors. Leading a group gives power, and that power can be intoxicating. 

Let’s approach the question, “Why do we judge?” No one maintains a perfect benchmark. So why hold that expectation onto others? 

As humans, we love order and organization. We treat, clean, and purify anything that we see dirty or unfit to use. If it can’t be fixed, we toss it. The same goes for our peers. We have a level of expectation for those we spend time around. I highly doubt we would hang around a person that refused to bathe. This person would not meet our expectations for basic hygiene. Right?

Here is where it gets tricky. Some of us would keep our comments to ourselves, while others would confront the individual. This confrontation is what divides moral and immoral. Some would approach the individual to inform them of their offensive odor, while others would seize the opportunity to ridicule and gain public favoritism. Perhaps another group would show their hatred to lower the non-bathing peer’s morale. “After all, why should they be happier than me?” 

It’s easier to fix others than it is to correct ourselves. Why should we work on our happiness when we can lower others? Welcome to the fundamental of bullying. When we are sad or depressed, we correct what made us this way. Our non-bathing friend may bathe now that they understand the discomfort they present. Or perhaps we were sharp with our words, and embarrassment is the reason for bathing. Either way, the problem is fixed. Right? Sure, let’s look at our point of view. We no longer have to smell our peer. 

“Hey, that’s not a bad thing. Stinky people stink. And that stench brings discomfort, and sometimes we need to show some tough love. Why should we suffer? Sure our words were uncouth. They needed to be to convey our level of dismay.” This mindset is the antithesis of professionalism

Perhaps our peer didn’t come from the Home&Garden family. Some live with undiagnosed mentally ill parents who physically and verbally abuse their children. Others come from a family of alcohol and or drug abusers. We never know what hell the person next to us has traversed. This is why it is crucial to treat everyone with dignity and professionalism. 

Let’s analyze the flip-side.

If we are on the receiving end of the comments and ridicules, then perhaps we should look at why such statements are made. Maybe we are offending and don’t realize it. It happens. I’ve offended a lot of people on accident. I may end up annoying a lot more, who knows? My point here is that I cannot satisfy everyone. There are going to be people who grumble for the mere opportunity to complain. Google search how many Americans are happy, and 14% shows up as the answer. If only 14% of our peers are satisfied with life, we can expect a lot of belly-aching. 

Don’t take the opinions of others personally. In the end, those comments are not facts. Allow me to say that again; opinions are not facts. I want to make it clear that the assumptions are not concrete. And there are times when we ramble to get things off our chest. We have no substance to our temper tantrum; we merely want to vent. 

It’s not easy to take criticism. As I went higher in the military, I received more criticism on everything. Not because I was doing things wrong, but because I was held to a higher standard. Sometimes we are held to a higher standard than we realize. We are role models to our peers. And when role models stumble, people are quick to voice their concerns. This may come in the form of jeering. If we show offense to the statements given, we frequently receive a lot more. It’s human nature to find a button and keep pushing it. The best advice I can give is to roll with the punches. 

Because most of our peers do not have malicious intent, it is safe to say most of the criticism received is not malice. Our complication comes from a lack of digesting the judgment from others. 

We do not have to answer for everything. Therefore we shouldn’t always be on the defense. Relax and enjoy life. Yes, people are going to point out flaws—big whoop. Stick around, and I’m sure I’ll do something else worth critiquing. There are times people laugh with me, and there are times they are laughing at me. It bothered me when I was young. Now that I’ve been around the sun a few times. I will laugh with you at my expense.  

In the end, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is finding inner-peace. Although the world may seem horrible, a calm soul helps us traverse those times.

Until the next blog, live life and be happy.