Anxiety is a natural reaction to stress; nothing more, nothing less. It is the fear, dread, or uneasiness we feel when life takes a dip. Our emotional state determines how we will traverse troubled times. Anxiety is both good and bad, and our approach determines what we see. 

How does anxiety benefit us? Let’s begin by recognizing that we prioritize everything. When it comes to difficulties, we take care of the big issues first. Stress that causes greater anxiety will seize more attention. This is why we choose to break a coffee date with a friend to finish a work project. Of course, we let our friend know. We aren’t animals. Anxiety that helps us balance our stress is good-anxiety.

An over-production of cortisol is a downside to anxiety. This symptom obscures our view of major and minor problems. For some, all issues are enormous.  A period of trauma can bring this confusion. One episode can cause anxiety, while a series has a bigger effect. The longer we’re in trauma, the greater the confusion. At any rate, this is bad-anxiety. We aren’t able to prioritize our stress.

Both women and men are affected by bad-anxiety. It is important to understand that men and women approach pressure in different manners. For starters, women are more apt to admit they are feeling strained. This is one reason women may appear to be more stressed. Men, on the other hand, bottle their emotions. Add a stoic face, and we have a hardcore man that can take the heat. Wait, that’s not right. Even Chuck Norris and Clint Eastwood have coping mechanisms. We are all human. We feel emotions; even if we don’t show them, we feel them. 

Sometimes, we need to rethink our actions. If our brain is confused and tells us that everything is catastrophically horrible, we may need to sit down with pen and paper and logically prioritize our problems. It would behoove us to breathe from the diaphragm or lower stomach. While anxiety produces cortisol, breathing exercises in a stress-free area reduce this production. 

If our stress is out of control, there are things we can do. Keep a positive mind. Expecting the worse heightens our anxiety. Enjoy the best but plan for the worse. This allows us to breathe if things turn sour.  A journal records stressful moments. Thus, a pattern may form and allowing us to see what is triggering our discomfort. Once again, breathe from the abdomen. This may sound like a simple task, but it is often overlooked. We don’t need to sit on the floor in a perfect pose. Lying in bed will afford us the posture for breathing. Infants do it all the time.

Anxiety isn’t the monster society loves to paint. But, it is serious. If our stress is out of control, we need to ask for assistance. I’m all for being anti-pill-popping. But, there are times when non-pharmaceutical treatments aren’t enough. We may need to talk to a counselor or psychotherapist. Seeking help doesn’t show weakness. In fact, it shows the opposite; courage,

Life has moments of being overwhelming. If we take our time and plan each step, we can traverse with happiness. Prioritize our problems and solve the significant issues first. If motivation is needed, then knocking out a couple of small problems can build confidence. To start, we must act. Otherwise, we are just talking about doing. We can do better than that because we are better than that.

Until the next blog, live life, be happy and click the like.

This week’s blog is about financial freedom and whether it is possible to obtain. I had a basic tangent sprawled out over two pages.  After realizing that I went down a rabbit hole, (Charts, diagrams, statistics, and more boring stuff) I hit “Select All” followed by “Backspace.” Data, numbers, and statistics disappeared in the blink of a cursor. Money is always a touchy subject. We work hard and won’t stand for rhetoric on how to spend what we’ve earned. 

Everywhere we go, someone is trying to get us to spend our money. From my experience, I am certain Amazon is not helping. Drunk-shopping online leads to regrets, and that can to send us into a spiraling depression. On the bright side, we now have “gifts” being delivered. 

So, how do we get ahead of our bills?

Many books are written on this subject, so instead of giving a list here is something that helped me. Most of us work nine-to-five jobs. We get paid every two weeks. This means we earn two paychecks every month. But Wait! Four times twelve equals forty-eight, and there are fifty-two weeks in a year. This leaves us with four weeks not accounted for. 

This is true. There are two months when we earn three paychecks. If we budget each month for only two paydays, we can pay ourselves a month’s worth of wages each year. 

Now before we get excited, this money is already spent. It’s called “Savings.” I know. This is so exciting. I have goosebumps too. Seriously though, we need to shove this into a hole and forget about it. 

Might I also add, pay raises are awesome. Who doesn’t enjoy more cash. I hate to be the fun police, but once again, we are taking that extra candy and shoving it into “Savings.” 

Believe me when I say there will always be a reason to spend the money we save. This is where discipline is applied. Only use “Savings” to cover unexpected expenses. It’s not for Christmas, birthdays, or “but-they’re-the-new-Jordans”, or any want-list driven impulsive buy. Nope, the money we throw in to a hole is for emergencies and unexpected bills. 

For those who are in the midst of raising little rug rats, wouldn’t it be nice to get something back when the nest is empty. Their rooms will become vacant and we will have a chance to have a workout room, a study, or even a guest room for when our friends come over. Or we could fix up the old four bedroom home, sell it, and buy a two-bedroom lake-front cabin. 

We deserve to have a safety net when life throws a curve ball. Having that money stashed away is the difference between being stressed or being prepared. Life will come at us. Its only a matter of when. Be prepared. 

We do not deserve to choose between paying the electric bill, water bill, or eating. Many Americans face this every month. If we are not in this situation, then we are able to put a portion of our paycheck into the bank. There was a time when I couldn’t save. Times were tight. But, I grew and learned how to manage. At the time, everyone seemed to have fun but me. I was too busy looking at what I didn’t have. I couldn’t see what I did have. 

A stable job, a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a wife who loved me unconditionally. In the beginning of my career there were too much month and not enough money. I took the advice in this blog, and climbed out of my poverty. I am far from what society calls rich. My bills fit my paycheck and I have a little each month to put back. I don’t tend to my wants. I find satisfaction in what I have. Most importantly, I am happy, and finding that happiness is priceless. 

Until the next blog, live life, be happy and click the like. Thank you for your time.

If we could change anything about our lives, what would it be? 

Upon hearing this question, gears in our heads turn, and a list begins to grow. Perhaps we would be a better person, be a better parent, lose weight, be more muscular, and last but not least make more money. These are typical responses that show we are first concerned with changing our character, how we treat others, how we look and ending with material objects. The order of changes may vary from person to person, but we all have similar desires. 

Without a doubt, this is a complex question, and we are most apt to find a quick and easy solution. This is why “be better” is on the list. But what does it mean to be better? Your definition may differ from mine. And that’s alright; my point is we need to be precise and clear when we state our wishes. 

I like to use the example of giving a twenty-dollar bill. People, for whatever reason, claim they want more money. So, let’s say you give me twenty dollars. I run off and buy a new pillow. This is where we hit the pause button and look at what happened. Did I want money, or did I want the pillow? Another view may suggest that I wanted the opportunity to buy something for myself. By purchasing the product myself, I feel more independent than if someone provided it for me. I also know what I like and have an opportunity to pick out the right softness or firmness I desire. Thus, making me feel in control. The point is, I didn’t want the twenty-dollar bill. It’s not like I was going to keep and cherish it. No, I wanted a provision, a way, or a means to achieve my goal. 

Where does this leave us when it comes to improving our lives? We need to make the change. If others make the change for us, then we have someone to blame when things go wrong. We need to hold ourselves accountable. After all, this is our life, and we are in control.

Make a list of small changes, and do them one at a time. If we don’t know what changes to make or where to start, a quick visit to the international web of wonder will help. Just type in “small changes to a better life.” Be careful. We don’t want to overload the day with new routines. This will lead to confusion, unbalance, and the desire to quit. 

With all of this talk about changes, it’s important to remember that self-acceptance is important. We should never want to become someone else. Instead, we should focus on who we are and who we want to be. For example, I wanted to be happy. Life in the military is stressful, and happiness does not flourish as it does in the civilian world. I also want to own my own home and have a good-paying job. I joined the military and used it as a foundation for my dreams. My stubbornness to succeed gave me the strength to endure the repugnant moments that I had when dealing with my new career restrictions. I give the military a lot of credit for allowing me to appreciate the “little things” in life. By chance, I gained knowledge on a specific aircraft that I presently work on in my retirement. And finally, I used the VA to get a loan to buy our home. This path isn’t for most. In fact, I would never promote this progression to anyone. I knew that I needed to change. This started with a list with only three items: happiness, a home, and a good-paying job. 

Never underestimate the power of a list backed by determination. When we know what to do, how to do it, and when to do it, there is nothing that can stop our drive forward. Making our world a better place starts with us and our self-improvement. 

Until the next blog, live life, be happy and click the like.

In the blog Little Limbic, we covered how stress can affect the brain’s limbic system development. Then, in the blog Hope: A Poor Child’s Dream To Succeed, we questioned if a child born into poverty can succeed in life or are we to believe that child is destined for poverty and a life of crime? 

2+2=4 This is an easy math problem to understand. 1+1+1+1=4 is just as comprehendible. Notice how we changed the integers, but the sum remains the same. It is the same with our lives. Some changes in our lives will lead us back to our current situation. 

Let’s say we had a troubled friend who we support and sent through rehab. After going through the course and becoming clean, they move back to the same house, hang out with the same friends, and pick up where they left off. There is a high probability that despite our help, that individual will continue to be our troubled friend.

Back to us and our lives, what can we do to change our lives for the better? First, I’d like to say that we all have the right to better our lives if we so choose. We do not have the right to use and manipulate others to achieve our goals. Secondly, we need to recognize when enough is enough. “Want” is a bottomless pit that we will never fill. We will always want more. This is the reason Samsung created a 146” TV. Some people believe they need this for their home. Will a TV that size fit through the door of my doublewide? 

Anywho. Boundaries have to be set and maintained. Limits are like destinations; they let us know when we can stop. Now, this doesn’t mean that we are to stay in the moment forever. We don’t take road trips then say OK; we can’t go anywhere else. No, we take time to enjoy the moment, absorb the scene, then move on. 

Might I add that absorbing the scene seems to be something people do little of nowadays? We are often in such a rush that we forget to stop and smell the roses. Roses want to be smelled, people. There is a severe lack of rose smelling, and I will not stand for it, ladies and gentlemen. Granted, this is stated while I’m in the northern hemisphere in the middle of February with no rose to smell. But still, I rant; smell the roses.

Now that we had that tangent, we can move forward. There is nothing wrong with being happy with having a little. Finding satisfaction is another action that we have little desire to do. Believe it or not, people are willing to trade their place in life with us. I have seen corporate people who dreamed of living a simple life without the bustle of the city. And, I’ve seen people in the country dream about living in the city. We should always appreciate what we have; just as it could be better, it could worsen. 

Thirdly, we must place value on our lives. I’m not talking about dollar amounts. I’m speaking about having a sense of worth. We deserve to be happy, and we deserve respect. Notice this I said we deserve these things. We do not demand them. If someone is not willing to respect us, then let them be. If they will not let us be, we need to take proper channels to report the situation. If nothing is done, then we need to change our position. Why should we change? Because this system mentioned is not willing to help. We cannot and will not change the system. We must go where we are accepted and respected. Now for a reality check. Let’s say we have changed our position repeatedly, and no matter where we go, people still don’t respect us. Then, it’s time to look at ourselves. Seek counseling if need be. Sometimes we get so narcissistic that we believe everyone else is the problem. We fail to see that we are the ones causing trouble in our own lives. 

If we are to find happiness, we must be honest with ourselves. We may not like the answers, but at least we have a solid foundation to build on. Trust me on this one. I had to swallow my pride and admit that I caused a lot of my own problems. I had that moment when I looked in the mirror and said, “I fucking suck.” I don’t suck, and the expletive signifies the level of disappointment I had when I realized I was my own stumbling block. That’s a hard pill to swallow. 

Where do we go from here? How do we head towards happiness? That will be next week’s blog. 

Until then, live life, be happy, find life’s happiness, and click “like”.

Last week on A Life’s Happiness, we covered the brain, specifically the limbic system. If you missed it, no worries. A simple click on Little Limbic and a short two-minute read will get you all caught up.

We ended with the question, “Is an abused child destined to grow up poor and live a life of crime?” Statistically speaking, yes. But the truth is not cut and clear, and here’s why.

Let’s take an average child of three years old. If anyone has been around these critters, they will quickly find out how fast that toddler comprehends conversations. New words are in style. If that new word is an expletive, most of the room will giggle when they use it (correctly or not). What child doesn’t like to make grownups giggle, right? 

Our little sponge-brain child is soaking up information at an expedited rate. Positive or negative, it all gets collected. Any data that is perceived as “bad” may start to cause chronic stress. It is common knowledge that a three-year-old child’s problems may not compare to a 40+ adult’s difficulties. But they do not know that. In fact, they can’t fathom the complexities of adulthood. This may be because our said child has only lived on this planet for 36 months. At this stage in life, learning is an every hour experience. 

Let’s put some age on our child, perhaps ten years. Oh, they grow up so fast. The bad news is the stressful life hasn’t stopped. Every day they receive hurtful words, a fist, or maybe neglect. Whether they mean to be or not, children can be annoying in stressful times, and adults can lose control of their temper. I’m not condoning, just saying it happens. In a house that lives in poverty, basic needs become a priority. But this scenario isn’t limited to the poor. This child could be in a middle/upper-class family. But given that financial problems cause the most considerable amount of stress, it’s easy to understand why children in a low-income household have a higher chance to receive physical or mental abuse.

As covered in last week’s blog, stress can inhibit the development of the limbic system’s hippocampus region. Learning, memory, and emotions are affected. We have to live with what our parents give us. They mold us made us into who we are. Kind of…

We are responsible for our actions. I have heard others announce that so-and-so made them mad. Let’s be honest; no one made us angry. Our frustration is the direct result of our disapproval of other’s actions or words. Whether we want to admit it, we are not always in the right. There are times that a cross-word from a friend or peer is warranted. Perhaps we were the ones inciting dismay with others. 

Getting back to our young-adult, where does that leave them? A quick web search of “percentage of children succeed after poverty” reveals that only sixteen percent of young adults become financially stable or prosperous after being raised in poverty. An environment can have a significant effect on our development. 

As depressing as this may sound, hope resides within the simple truth that we are continuously growing. If we change the environment, we change the development. This happens over time. Suppose we put a muddy sponge in a freshwater spring. It doesn’t instantly become clean. Over time, the mud is carried away, and the sponge can be used once again. 

How do we move on? Suppose we are the previously mentioned child who is now trying to strike it on their own. How do we repair the damage and move forward? With hope in sight, that will be the discussion for next week. 

Until the next blog, live life, be happy and click the like button. 

As an aviation electrician, I work with a lot of test sets. Each box has its use, which means I need to know how to connect and operate these 1970 era relics. That got me thinking about happiness. 

How often do we find happiness then, not know what to do? It’s as though we are always told to “find our happiness” but never told what to do once we find it. Of course, the obvious answer is “Enjoy it.”  But, stopping to smell the roses doesn’t come easy for some of us. 

And just like that, frustration sets in, and we lose the happiness we were searching for. It’s not difficult to comprehend the negative impact of the spiraling domino effect caused by our newfound depression. 

We’ve also heard that we must maintain our happiness to enjoy it for any length of time. True as this may be, how do we keep what we don’t even know how to enjoy? 

If this sounds familiar, then I have one word for you. Stop. Due to my over-analytical thinking, I have found myself fighting to stay happy. The statements above are how happiness feels to me at times. 

Happiness is a state of being, not a state of mind. It’s a product of our actions, not what we manufacture. Thus, there is no such thing as maintaining happiness. There is, however, finding moments that make us smile, bring a warm feeling in our hearts, and lifts our spirits. 

A church building doesn’t bring happiness. It’s just a building. But the experience within the walls, the sermons felt, and the fellowship with friends is what warms our soul. For the record, I don’t attend church. My spiritual studies are done in private. I remember church experiences from my youth. 

Take time each day to search for new experiences. This is a must as we get older. What made us happy in our 20’s will most likely annoy us in our 40’s. Trust me; the club scene is not what it use to be, and forget about staying out all night. If the sun’s down, I’m down. How else could I be up at 3 a.m. writing this blog? 

Anywho, just as we cannot control the scent of a rose, we cannot control what makes us happy. Sure, jumping off of a cliff and catching an updraft in a hang-glider looks fun. But I just can’t see myself doing it. This brings me to another point. Never force happiness. If we try something new and it doesn’t make us happy. Move on. We are not expected to like everything, and our joy is not others’ responsibility.  

We all want to find happiness, and we all want that feeling to stay. Like a sine wave on an oscilloscope, our emotions will go up and down. This is a natural rhythm that everyone experiences. Don’t take the small things in life for granted. Focus on the positive things, count our blessings daily, and relax. These are the things we can do to find our happiness. 

Never think that you do not deserve to be happy. You deserve happiness. There is nothing we can do to change the past. We can dwell on it, go nowhere, or move on. Late-night thoughts can hound us and build a case on why we don’t deserve happiness. Memories of our mistakes get stuck in a loop as we watch our ignorance play over and over. 

Come to terms with these memories. 

Yes, we do stupid things. Welcome to being human. 

Until the next blog, get some rest, stop worrying, and find life’s happiness. 

No one is immune from a case of “down and out”. It can hit us at any time. A five-minute job is one sheared bolt away from being an all-day project. Aggravation and disappointment can knock anyone off of their high-horse. 

This reminds me of an episode of a competition show I watched last week. Four knowledgeable contestants had to forge a blade. They all we amped and excited to prove their skill. Then, tragedy struck when one contestant made a mistake. He was so disappointed that he frowned with his whole face. This expression never changed. He knew he wasn’t going to win. 

Whether we believe we will win or lose, we are correct. 

The hardest part about getting knocked down is getting back up just to get knocked down again. But most of that is the fear of being knocked down again. When we were toddlers, we learned to walk by falling down a lot. But, we got back up and carried on. As adults, we don’t have someone there cheering us on, saying, “Get up. You can do it.” Nope, we have peers laughing at us. 

I know, I make adulting look fun. But here is the fact. We are our voice of encouragement. How often do we pat ourselves on the back? Every day is the only answer. Sometimes I’m impressed I get out of bed. 

This world is going to be hard on us. People will always point out what we did wrong. Of course, this is after we made a mistake and hindsight is 20/20. This is why it is essential to learn how to be our cheerleading squad. We are our source of encouragement that gets us back on our feet. Don’t listen to nincompoops, who always have something negative to say. They’re nincompoops; that’s what they do. 

We may get down, but we are never out until we admit it. This world will give up on us long before we give up on ourselves. Toddlers have to fall to walk. They also have to learn how to get up. So it is with us. We have to learn to keep our chin up even when we are cold and alone. We have to be our sunshine on a rainy day. 

The voices of others do carry a lot of weight with us. Peer pressure is a “hoo-ha” at times. We like it when others are inline with us. Being in synch with others brings harmony. This is why others want us to change while being less apt to change themselves. Learn to put more weight in our thoughts and deeds. 

We are responsible for our thoughts and actions. The devil didn’t make us do it. We chose to do it. We choose to smile, be happy, frown, be disappointed, or be neutral and apathetic. We choose to be who we are. Life is as good as it is bad. We decide how to see it and how to live it.

I may down, but I am not out.

Until the next blog, live life, be happy, and click the like button. 

As we stand on the side of the highway of life, a low mechanical whine demands attention. Our heart begins to race as a single-car appears over the horizon. Loud, obnoxious happiness is seen as the driver waves both hands high. Each second without control adds to the emanate danger. 

Consumed by the howls of demonic engine screaming for more gas, we watch the car pass. Within a glimpse, a young girl shoots us a wink and loses control. Screaming tires scramble for control that was never there. A late corrective steer sends the car sideways, allowing for a savage bite from a pothole. Intense pressure builds on the suspension as the wheel hooks into the road. Like a rolling log, the car tumbles within the lines as it comes to rest on its wheels. 

We cautiously begin to walk over to the scene. The young girl, miraculously unscathed, rants, and complaints about how good life was. Blame went to the pothole, then to the city for not fixing the pothole. Questioning why bad things happen to good people, she stated that she emphatically knew something terrible was going to happen.

“It always does. You can’t enjoy life for too long without something coming along and knocking us off the high-horse.”

End scene.

The girl seemed oblivious to the cause of her wreck (lack of hands on the steering wheel). Instead, she blamed the pothole, then the city for not fixing the pothole. How often do we replicate this scene in our lives? Perhaps we never engage in positive thinking, staying optimistic, or having gratitude. We may even go as far as blaming others for our misfortunes. 

If we have gratitude, then we are not whining and complaining. We are focused on the positivity in our lives. Yes, bad things will happen. But, with positive thinking, a productive solution is found. 

Like the song says, “Don’t worry, be happy.” If we are worrying, then we are not looking for a solution. It is impossible to do both at the same time. Be grateful. No one likes a complainer. If one cannot find positivity within a situation, then they need to ask someone for assistance.

It’s easy to get stuck in a rut and lose sight of the good in our lives. It happens to everyone at some point. But, taking the time to remember the positives allows us to have pride in our life. We are unique and special. Never take that for granted and keep both hands on the wheel.

Until the next blog, Live life and be happy.

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A time will come for those who want to chase their dreams. The joys of life are placed on the back burner. This may come during college, military career, parenthood, or whenever our upmost focus is needed, and there is no time for dilly-dallying. 

For me, I turned my back towards happiness while I served in the Navy. Why would I do such an unthinkable thing? Because I knew the good time of the economical ’90s couldn’t last forever. I needed security, a career that could stand the test of times. Thus, the reason I joined the military. Yes, the pay was less than adequate until I made E5. But I was working towards a military retirement that I could draw without being in my golden years. My goa consisted of getting paid for the rest of my life by sacrificing a part of mine.

Parenthood has a similar effect. Though I have no children of my own, I have watched friends and family focus on providing the best for their children. Time and time again, I observed these heroes put their wants and dreams on hold. Selfless sacrifice such as this is noteworthy. After all, it’s in our children’s nature to take without fully understanding the cost on our behalf until they become parents. 

This brings me to my point. When do we plan on being happy? For me, It was after the military. I’m not going to say I was “Joe Navy,” not even close. But I held my tongue and kept my posture. Each day was another day of uncomfortable conformity. With patience, wisdom, and much focus, I made it. But here’s the kicker, I became accustomed to the military lifestyle. My life was about to become upside down upon my retirement.

Here is where we stumble when it comes to our happiness. We never stop. I took the time and asked, “what made me happy?” I kept the list simple. A steady job and a house in the semi-rural area were my priorities. My anxiety was high, but I kept a level head. I needed to complete my list of objectives. I took the proper steps, and every day, I reminded myself to be happy. To some extent, I had to learn how to be satisfied.

When transitioning from one lifestyle to another, allow time for adjustment. If we backslide, that’s all right. It’s part of growing. The main goal is to start something, do something, and be something. We will grow towards our focus point. So be mindful of what is in our sights.

Know when the task is complete. There is always room for improvement or excuses for why we should stay engaged in our work. Don’t fall into this trap. Define a stopping point. Although parenthood never ends, Setting a date for when our focus will be on us is crucial. Stick to the date. This may mean that our children will learn how to “adult” on their own. Yes, it’s scary. But that doesn’t mean that our plans are derailed. We deserve to be happy.

“I will be happy when…” will never come into effect if we don’t allow it. Weeks lead to months lead to years lead to never happening. There will always be a reason why we can’t start. Make a reason and tell the world why it’s our time. The moments for sweat, toil, and tears are over. It’s time for us and our happiness. Doing so is vital for our health. No one has extended their life by staying stressed out. Find your happiness. You deserve it. 

Until the next blog, live life and be happy.