How many negative words do we speak each day? In a fit of rage we quickly exclaim the limitations of others, “You can’t do that!”. Or, when others point the finger at us, “It’s not my fault.”. Oh and my favorite, “I didn’t know.”. Shut the front door Sally. We all know you knew.

This is an interesting habit we develop as a child. “No.” is the first word we learn. and for the rest of our lives we are told what we cannot do. Is it any wonder why we jump at the chance to use negative words. We mimic what we see and hear. Our children are learning to use the words we use.

We correct the wrong, and ignore the good. After all, if nothing is wrong, then no attention is needed. Right? Wrong. We need to maintain the good. We check our gas gauge, bank account, and toilet paper stock. If we didn’t, then we would find ourselves on the toilet without any paper. How does this link to our word usage? Glad you asked. We don’t want people to ignore us. We need others to give us attention too. No one likes being ignored, hence the reason for being a squeaky wheel.

I am not saying we need to eliminate all use of negative words. Imagine how lame we would sound if everything was recited in a positive manner. There needs to be a balance. No one likes a Negative Nancy, but sunshine Susan can annoy us too. So, how do we find that balance? We do it by keeping our attitude in check. A positive, non-sarcastic attitude is the best approach. For those following this blog, you may have noticed this as a common denominator. A positive mindset bring positive results. It goes without saying that we go in the direction of our focus. Think of it as target fixation.

This leads us to the great tie-in. Happiness is a positive state. Being negative draws us away from our goal of being happy. Yes, our words can keep us down. If we want to live a life without constant drama, strife, turmoils, troubles, or aggravation, then we may want to watch what we say. But, it is not on us totally. Listen to those around us. Do the people we hang around talk negatively? Do they bring their troubles to us constantly? And lastly, do we need that negativity in our lives? Listening to others can have a downward effect on our happiness. Words are powerful. They should be treated with respect. In the pursuit of life’s happiness we need to filter what is said and not said. After all, our children are listening as well.

There I was, in all of my glory arguing over a topic I have long forgotten. But what I took away from that confrontation will remain with me for life. Set in my ways and hell bent to prove my point I found myself plotting my next remark. With one ear poised to the conversation I formulated a defensive rebuttal. After several minutes of raised voices, belittling looks, and arrogant words my opponent seen they could not prove me wrong. Victory was mine as they submitted and walked away.

For one reason or another, the next day I could not stop thinking about my tactics. My uncouth actions began to eat at me. I wasn’t listening. All I was interested in was “winning” the argument. It wasn’t even an argument. Someone had a different opinion than I did, and I felt the need to show them how wrong their opinion was. This, by any standards, was low. I had no right to chastise their views. I do believe the term nerf hurder correctly described my character.

Can two people with different views be right? Absolutely. If I asked, “Is 68F or 20C too cold for a room?”, I would receive a lot of opinions on this. There are no wrong answers to this question, since it requires an opinionated answer. And that’s the point. No one is wrong in an opinionated conversation. We may disagree with them, but that does not make them wrong.

We should never take the right to have an opinion away from others. How sad this world would be if everyone had to think and believe like Donald Trump. Not saying he’s good or bad. Just stating we need different view points.

If you ever find yourself in an argument, stop and ask yourself, “Am I defending a fact or expressing an opinion. Fact: Apples are red. Unless they are Granny smiths. Those are green. Black Oxfords have a purple tint. And, Golden delicious apples are yellow. So there goes that fun fact of the day about apples being red and all. But, they can be red… ish… right?

Anywho, If is vital that we understand we don’t have to win every argument. This “I’m right and your’re wrong” attitude clashes with our quest for happiness. What’s happy about proving someone’s opinion is wrong. Nothing, that’s what. Our views are like a spice rack. Salt and pepper aren’t the only flavoring agent in this world. THANKFUL! Take the time to listen to others. Stop planning a rebuttal while others are talking.

Stop planning a rebuttal while others are talking.

Listening is important; right? Of course it is. We want others to listen to us, so it’s only fair to lend an ear back to them. Place value in the thoughts and opinions of others. We have so much to offer each other, if we take the time to absorb it in like summer sun rays. Mmm, radiation. Soon we will see the common ground between their view and ours. Believe it or not, we are not as different as some may believe. We are all human. And we all are searching for life’s happiness. So it would be safe to say we have the ability to pass along some of that happiness we learnt.

A conversation is a two way street, not a battle of right of ways.

Until the next blog, live life and be happy.

at1_retired@yahoo.com

Steve  Curtis

We’ve all been there. A family member needs help and we really don’t have the means to help. Nonetheless, we sacrifice in an effort to alleviate their pain. Why? What would possess us to bring their suffering upon ourselves? There is one simple reason; love. Love, in that manner, will convince us that they are worth suffering for. Not everyone will understand this type of love, and there is nothing wrong with not understanding, But for those that do, it can be a blessing or is can be a curse. How so you asked? The blessing comes in the form a gratitude. We are grateful that we were able to help. The curse comes when that member realizes that we will help them whenever they need it and begins to take advantage of our love.

Somewhere out there I can hear someone stating perhaps we shouldn’t love as much. After all, it’s our love that enabled them to take advantage of us, right? No. A wrong doing on their part does not constitute a wrong doing on ours. One should never feel guilty for wanting to help. The sad truth is, there are people out there looking for those willing to help for free. They prey on the kindness of others. These are the people who have lost their humanity. For taking advantage of someone willing to help is not humane. Never capitalize on the kindness of others. It’s alright to refuse help that we do not need. Refusing help when we need it is a different story for a different blog.

There a people who make millions off of the donations of others. People are just willing to give stuff away, and I’m just here trying to make a buck. This type of thinking is wrong. As stated before, it is wrong to capitalize on the kindness of others. A good example is Mark Curran. He is the CEO and owner of Goodwill. Now, I now Goodwill had helped a lot of people. However, when a person makes $2.3 million a year I begin to question how nonprofit is their business. I’m sure his team of lawyers could explain it to me. But, the root subject here is one person makes millions off of the charity of others. If people are willing to do that, is there any doubt that family and friends will take advantage of us? Sad truth is, it happens every day.

How many times can we kick a dog before it no longer returns. The answer is once too many times. We are no different. Once we realize that a person is using us, we have a choice; stop or continue to help. We tell ourselves that they’ll change. This time will be different. They learnt their lesson last time. With blinders on we ignore logic and follow our heart. After all, we are good people and we just want to help.

We naturally want to help. Have you ever watched children help each other. They pat each other on their backs and say everything is going to be alright. But, from our childhood to adulthood, something changed. People changed. We changed. All of a sudden things aren’t as simple as they use to be. It hurts when others begin to take our love for granted. …When they show no value in our love for them… How many times have we taken someone for granted?

Family is the biggest culprit for this. Why? In a simple answer, family knows that we will always be around. We aren’t going anywhere, we’re family after all, and family sticks together. Right? Stop being so sensitive. Buck up. Life is hard and we all need to stick together. Family takes care of family. But who takes care of us? Who is there when we need help? Seems family is strapped for cash too, and they don’t have the time to help. But good luck and they’re praying for us. Now, I know I’m hitting the family side hard on this subject. But, it needs to be said. No longer should we tip toe around the fact that it’s easier for us to go to our mom, dad, brother, or sister. We know them. They know us. Friends don’t know us like that. Friends know friendships can end. They don’t have the luxury of being family. Family will always be family. … They have nothing to lose. Win the lottery and we’ll see cousins, nieces and nephews that we never knew we had. With family comes entitlement. We owe them. After all, family takes care of family

What do we do when we see someone is taking advantage of us? Stop. Stop giving them time, Stop hoping for change, Stop giving them a reason. It’s hard. And yes it will hurt. Stop accepting the pain. It’s easier for us to accept the pain rather than watch others suffer. If we are suffering then we are in control of that pain. If others hurt and we cannot or do not help, we feel less in control. We do not need to control everything around us. Everything is not our responsibility. This is why we need to stop. Yes, they will fall, cry, beg, and say they hate us. But that’s a part of growing up. Sometimes we need to stop holding their hands. Once they are done sulking, they will stand up and do just fine. We owe it to ourselves to stop helping those that take advantage of us. Its not fair to us. We deserve happiness too. We deserve to have quality people in our lives. Quality people are worth helping. They don’t take advantage of us, and they make us feel appreciated. Wholesome people have a way of warming the heart and make us feel valued.Never settle for less. This is one way we can find life’s happiness. Filtering the people we deal with will help us decide who is worth our time. Time with you is precious. Your time has value. Never settle for less.

Until next blog, live life and be happy.

at1_retired@yahoo.com

Steven Curtis

Mr. Smiley, why must you be so happy every fricking morning. I mean, like, give it a break. You woke up, you feel good, and you feel the need to share how great your life is. Ugh!

I’m pretty sure that’s how my coworkers feel about me. When I say “wake up in a good mood”, let’s just say I’ve been known to sing to my wife in the morning. I wasn’t always like this. I use to listen to my Onyx album Bacdafucup every morning before work, curse at other drivers, and dreaded working. Mind you, this was during the time I didn’t have a home. I literally bounced from house to house sleeping where I could. Some nights I slept in my car. Life was crap. Or so I thought. I was going down a slippery slope and I knew I needed to change or I was going to crash.

Looking back, I was an angry person. But this was my own demise. From the moment I woke up I had hate and discontent blaring in my ears. Fact: morning is the foundation for the whole day. How it starts effects our quality of day. My living conditions were less than adequate. Yes, I fell under the “homeless” category. Life was against me.

All of my life I was told “we’re poor we can’t afford that.” Naturally I adopted that mindset. Society frowns at the poor. So with the world giving me a cold shoulder, I gave one back. I hurt people verbally. Not just the casual insults. No, I lured people in with a kind smile and tender attitude only to drop them from cloud nine with unadulterated hate. I wanted others to hurt as I hurt. Why should they be so happy when I’m out here struggling? I use to say “Karma’s a bitch.” Truth is, I was being one. Times got rough. And then it happened. I had a friend that wanted to commit suicide. So, being the “sensitive” person I was, I decided to tell my life story to someone for the first time ever. Yup, I was opening up and letting the whole truth out. I left no details out. Poverty, abuse, neglect, molestation. It all came out. My friend set there with tears in his eyes. “I thought my life sucked.” he paused with searching eyes that yearned for a validation for his situation. “You should be the one committing suicide; not me.” he proclaimed. Perhaps it was a case of the simples brought on by staying up until the wee hours of the morning, but we began to laugh uncontrollably. Perhaps he was right.

Although that wasn’t the darkest hour of my life, it was a huge pivot point. I began to look at myself in the same manner I looked at others. Like a conman looking for a sucker, I was good at reading people. It was time I did a little soul searching. I wasn’t proud of who I was. At first I blamed my environment. Treat a man like a dog and he’ll act like a dog; right? No, treat a man like a dog and he’ll leave. People did leave me alone. I was always the third person in a group, the drifter at a party that was there but never interacted enough to have fun. I was lonely.

I was poor. Not because of my financial standings, but because of the quality of person I was. Over the course of twenty years I changed. One may say that’s a long time to change. They’re correct. But once change is started, it never stops. We continue to grow. Whether for the good or for the bad, we grow. I learnt to be courteous and polite. My environment changed as well. Not because the Navy moved me around, but because I saw the world in a different view. I still listen to the Onyx album from time to time to remind myself how far I’ve came.

What’s the next evolution? Being cordial. What does that entail? Glad you asked. I’m learning to be warm and friendly. Everything that I learnt with being courteous, now I do it from the heart. It’s the difference between taking a step and taking a step with purpose. I find myself calmer in stressful situations. Yes, I still have my moments. But, don’t we all… I implore you not to just be nice or kind. Rather, be genuine. Karma works both ways. You’ll find that kindness done without an expectation of reward has a way of being multiplied back. That’s why I’m Mr. Smiley in the morning. Life is good. I’m not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination. But, I am happy. For once in my life I have found life’s happiness. And, it started with a sobering self evaluation. So please excuse my joyful morning exuberance. Thanks 🙂

Take care and have a beautiful Friday.

at1_retired@yahoo.com

Steve Curtis